A happy day in Hell
by ArizonaSivy
Summary: A silly one-shot story about Scar and Zira's reaction to the ending of the Lion Guard. For the sake of comedy (I think).


**Location: Hell**

**Time: Shortly after the events of Simba's Pride**

Scar was starting to become a bit impatient. Constant walking in circles made him create a fiery ring in the floor, but since he'd already been there for years, the fire did not really bother him that much. It was the waiting that made his eternal punishment even _more_ unbearable.

Finally, a strange sound caught his attention, and he gazed upward as a vortex of light opened above his head. The sight did not cause him pleasure (after all, this _was_ Hell). But it did made him feel a bit relieved.

From the blazing bright ring, like a bolt of thunder, there fell a flaming figure, hitting the ground with a huge boom. Before the smoke settled and the sparks stopped dancing in the air, the portal closed just as fast as it appeared.

Looking at the burning shape that fell from the ceiling (or, in this case, the earth), the malevolent feline sighed. Before him, he saw the spirit of his once most faithful consort, his most devoted follower, and (what was _even worse_) his mate.

-So we are together again… What a pity – the lion mumbled under his nose.

The spirit of the lioness lay motionless for a while, but then it sprang up, rolling on the floor of the underground chamber, paws flaying and clutching at her own neck, as if trying to catch a desperate breath.

Scar rolled his eyes…

-Zira… _Zira!_ – he raised his voice to make her snap out of her state of bewilderment, putting one of his own paws on the lioness' shoulder, and giving her a nice strong shake. – It's okay! It's all over. Now_ calm down, _will you?!

-What?! What is this? – gasped she, her eyes as wide as silver dollars.

The fiery spirit before her, whose appearance almost spooked Zira out of her wits, gave her a serious look.

-Well, Zira… There's really no easy way to explain this, so forgive me if I sound curt. You're dead.

-Dead?! – the lioness repeated with that raspy mix of shock and anger which only she was capable of.

-Y-yes… - Scar reasserted, a little crestfallen. – The river. Remember? You drowned. You had water in your lungs, which is no longer there, because you no longer _have_ any lungs. Just take a look, you're a disembodied spirit, just like I am. See?

The astounded female did indeed give herself a closer look, which made her sit petrified for a while after realizing that the one who spoke to her was indeed right. But then, she raised her eyes, and took a closer gander at _him_.

-Oh no, I think I know that look… - the spirit sighed.

-_S… Scar?_ – Zira spoke with a shy tingle of hope in her voice, which then turned into joy-filled surety. – It _is_ you! Oh my love! After all these years, we are one again!

-Yes yes, heh-heh… yes indeed… - her dead mate responded somewhat half-heartedly, to what the exhilarated lioness paid no attention. – The dark king reunited with his just-as-dark queen… How delightful. Shame it couldn't have happened when we were still _alive_…

Once Zira finally freed Scar from the tight embrace of her strong, immaterial arms (what took quite a while), she also examined her surroundings for the first time. Obviously, she wasn't too excited about the pools of liquid fire as much as she was about seeing her lover again.

-But Scar… _where are we? _– she asked, a bit disturbed by the sight.

-Oh yes, I almost forgot! – Scar regained his composure, standing away and clearing his throat, content with being freed from the female's smooches. – _Ehrm_! I believe it is my sad, sad duty to welcome you… well, in Hell.

Now Zira was not by any means someone who could be intimidated quickly. But when she heard the word 'Hell' issuing from Scar's mouth, her ears immediately drooped.

-Hell…? – the lioness repeated, sounding quite concerned. – We've been sent to… Hell? For all _eternity_?

-Yes, well, that's how it works, apparently. In my case, it's mostly because of _murder_… Uh, several murders, actually, but I guess you know that already. With you, it's… I don't really know. _Attempted_ murder? Your plan to kill Simba ultimately failed, didn't it?

-_Ugh_, let's not talk about that right now… - Zira sat on her rump heavily, mad with herself as well as everyone else.

-Right. Well, no need to worry, really… I know that _Hell_ might sound scary at first, but we still have to look on the bright side of death…

Scar lost a bit of his morbid jest under the crushing weight of Zira's stink-eye.

-… erm, yes. Well, allow me to explain. The, _uhm_… the pools of fire and sulfur _are_ obligatory, that is true… But, we're in luck, as they only plunge us into those every second day! On the odd days, this place is barely hotter than Africa… and, after enough time, almost tolerable, I must say.

Although Scar was trying to be as welcoming as possible, Zira was still feeling bitter. That, plus extremely confused.

-Wait a minute. We're blood-thirsty murderers! Why did the Old Kings decide to treat us so lightly?

This question almost caused Scar to chuckle.

-Oh, but that's just another bright smile of fortune which we are still lucky to have received even in our terrible conditions, my dear!

The lioness pierced him with a curious stare.

-Explain.

-Why, of course! Actually, it's all because of our foolish little family. Do you remember Kion? The son of that disgusting hairball Simba, my nephew? I was trying to burn him and his father alive at Pride Rock. Shame it didn't work out the way I planned… Well, anyway, after that failed, I tried to convince Kion to blow himself up by using the Roar of the Elders against me. But instead of doing that… he pardoned me for my offenses! Would you believe? Ha-ha, that poor, wholesome little fool… Touched by their descendant's… well, _mercy_, I guess, the Old Kings decided to make their judgement a lenient one. This is why I'm here right now, instead of writhing in the fire. And if you're here with me, that must mean that your family has forgiven you, as well!

Sadly, instead of becoming happy, Zira assumed the appearance of someone who wanted to break another person's spine really fast (one of her usual traits, which Scar did not particularly enjoy).

-_Grr!_ Forgiveness? I don't need their forgiveness! – after growling out that threatening message, she then fixed her fire-red eyes at her mate. – And _you!_ If you were able to attack Pride Rock even _after_ your death, why didn't you come to me?! I had a whole army of your devoted lionesses, ready for your call!

Scar tried to soothe her by smiling innocently, but when she roared at him, he was thankful that he no longer possessed a body.

-Why, I-I-I would have contacted you, believe me… After all, you were amongst my most reliable allies once! _The_ most reliable, I'll even say! Far better than those stinking _hyenas_, that's for sure… I simply thought that you were killed, or exiled, after my death…

-I _were_ exiled! I devoted _my life_ to avenging you! And I was _waiting_ for you to _help me!_

Her mate did not enjoy the tone of her voice very much.

-Well, _you_ weren't too successful in helping _me_ after Simba's return, now were you?

_-WHAT?!_

This time, Zira's eyes exploded with even greater heat than the pools of sulfur. Not wanting to pour gasoline on the fire, Scar decided to let go.

-Tell you what, darling. Let's… discuss this another time, shall we?

He attempted to surround her with his ethereal arm, but she shrugged it off, demonstrating an offended frown. The male spirit acted as if that sight greatly saddened him.

-Oh, what's this I see? My queen, with such a long face? Please, do cheer up, Zira! I know our past was a tad… _difficult_, but I still feel like we have very exciting things to look forward to in the future!

-_Puh!_ – the lioness snorted in disregard. – Like what? An eternity in Hell?

-Well, yes, but… at least we're here together!

That trick didn't work, however, and when Scar saw that Zira continued to stare at him with burning ire, he got up from the stone floor of their infernal chamber, and beckoned her to follow him.

-Come, my darling! I've something to show you!

Zira raised a curious brow.

-How can you be so cheerful? We're in Hell, Scar!

-_Yes_, I _realize_ that, but just look at what's going on _above!_

-Huh?

Astonished, the female rose and walked over to join her mate. Scar was standing over a small geyser, or some sort of a hole in the ground, filled with bubbling lava.

-We're only allowed to look at the feed once a week, so don't overuse it – he said to her, but she didn't get anything from what he said.

Zira only understood when, prompted by the mysteriously grinning Scar, she gazed closer into the fire. Suddenly, the flames vanished, and the lioness saw an image of Pride Rock, with what looked like a family of lions standing on top.

-_Simba!_ – she hissed, clenching her teeth. – That _wretch!_ It's because of him that both of us are here! And Kovu! My own son, a traitor…

Outraged, she turned to Scar again.

-Why are you showing me this?!

In spite of her fury, however, her mate remained not only calm, but rather… merry. Happy, even? It seemed weird to Zira, and got even weirder as he began to laugh.

-Haha… Hah-hahaha! _HAHAHAHAAA!_

-Scar… are you alright? – inquired the startled female, thinking that years of sitting in sulfur fumes may have caused her mate to lose his mind.

The lion, however, looked at her with his fiery eyes filled with passion.

-Zira, don't you understand? Look at them again! Can't you see that… _your plan was successful?_

-What are you talking about…? – she responded doubtfully, looking at the image of Kovu standing on top of Pride Rock side by side with the Pridelanders.

-True, Simba is still alive, and seeing my heir standing together with my sworn enemy's daughter is a rather nauseating sight… Still, Simba will have to die someday anyway, one way or another. And then…

Dramatic pause.

-… then… what? – Zira asked him, unsure of what he was suggesting.

-_Then_, dear Zira, all of our ambitions will have been achieved! Don't you get it? Kovu has become the mate of Kiara, who is Simba's daughter. That means that your son is about to become…

Finally, it all came together.

-… the king of the Pridelands! – Zira exclaimed, and for once, a smile appeared on her face, as well.

-_Precisely!_ Simba has just announced my heir to be _his heir_ as well! What a fool! You were right, all it took was to get to the daughter. So you see, my dear, it was all worth it, in the end!

-And my faithful lionesses have been allowed to live in the Pridelands once again! – Zira said as she continued to observe the vision of earth in the fire, feeling completely overjoyed. – Oh, my beloved! Look!

-Yes, Kovu looks quite handsome with that scar, doesn't he? – her mate admired the same vision as her.

-And there's Vitani, standing next to her brother!

-Ah, indeed! Seeing her all grown up touches my poor old soul to the core... Only one lion still seems to be missing, though.

-Who's that?

-Wait. This isn't right. Where's…

Scar didn't have a chance to finish, for all of a sudden…

_RRRAAAWWWRRRRR!_

The infernal ceiling shook, and the two spirits looked around in dismay. The image in the pool of lava wrinkled and vanished for a while.

-_Arr!_ What's wrong with this cursed thing?! – Scar growled angrily.

When the earthquake finally stopped, Zira looked at her mate.

-That sounded like the Roar of the Elders! – she pointed out, concerned.

-Yes, indeed! – Scar agreed with her. – It must've been Kion! He was the one who went missing, but I guess that now he is back. _Look!_

Both spirits stooped down to gaze into the pool again, and this time, a vision of Simba's son appeared before their eyes.

-Now Kion has a scar, too? – Zira noticed, and the fact seemed pretty strange to her. – How did that happen?

-A snake bite – Scar explained to her. – A long story, similar to mine. Yet not half as _dramatic_.

-How can a snake's teeth cause a vertical scar like that, anyway?

-I don't know. How can a horizontal slash of a lioness's claws cause a vertical scar like the one Kovu has, hm?

Unable to find a correct answer, Zira went silent… Both of them continued to observe the scene in the fire.

-Kion is back indeed! But what in the world is he doing? – wondered Scar.

-And why's he standing together with Vitani? – Zira also inquired, becoming more and more confused.

-Are they going to… fight?

-No, wait! Look at Vitani's shoulder!

-_What?!_ The mark of the Lion Guard?!

-Scar! It looks like Kion surrendered the Roar to Vitani! It was _her_ who roared! And my lionesses… they're all members of the Lion Guard now! _Vitani's_ Lion Guard! Is this really happening?!

-Yes… _Yes!_ YEEES! HAHAHA!

Zira's voice now became shaky because of the excess of emotion.

-Oh, my beloved… Look! Kion's… leaving the Pridelands! Oh, is this a dream?!

-No, Zira! This is REALITY! Behold, our success! My heir, the future king of the Pridelands! And Vitani… my vicious little darling… my successor, as leader of the Lion Guard! Oh, I think I'm going to cry… If I still had a heart, it would explode with joy!

-Scar, my beloved! And so would mine!

The happy couple fell into one another's embrace, celebrating the exaltation of their successors. The vision ended with Kovu and Vitani standing on top of Pride Rock, looking down on the kingdom which now, basically, belonged to them. No Kion in sight. There were others there, too, but they did not matter at all to the devious couple of deceased felines.

As Scar and Zira's joined laugh echoed throughout the halls of Hell, the vision vanished, leaving them with a feeling of complete satisfaction, in spite of their own miserable state of everlasting punishment.

The mates looked in each other's eyes.

-Zira, I am proud of you! – Scar commended his most faithful consort. – It seems that, at long last, after decades of denial, exile, and persecution, all is well with the…

Once again, however, he failed to finish his sentence, as suddenly, from behind a corner, there jumped yet _another _dead lion.

-MoTheR?! IS thaT ReALly You?! – the exhilarated spirit skipped their way, _extremely_ excited to see Zira in Hell.

-What the… _Nuka?!_ – the lioness recognized her son, her jaw immediately hanging in complete bedazzlement.

-mOThER! iT _IS_ yoU! hOOrAy, nOW We'LL bE toGeThEr AGaIn, FOrEvER!

Without waiting for permission, Nuka joined their group hug, surrounding both of the spirits with his arms, not intending to let go of them any time soon.

-_Hrn!_ – groaned Scar, sending his mate a disgruntled glare. – Oh yes, I completely forgot about him… Tell me, Zira. Is Nuka _really_ my son?

The lioness rolled her eyes, letting out a veeery deep sigh…

* * *

**AN:**

**Warning.**** Hell is actually **_**much **_**worse than this, so please do your best not to be as bad as either Scar or Zira.**

**Try to be more like Kion, or even Kovu and Vitani at the end of their journey of redemption. After all, they turned out much better than their parents! (Foster-parents? Mom and step-dad? I dunno…)**

**So how did you guys enjoy the Lion Guard finale? ;)**


End file.
